all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
