the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize