If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
