that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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