I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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