she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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