It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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