I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
