Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
