My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
