proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
