Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize