I'd wear matching sweaters with you
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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