do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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