i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
