the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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