Yo dont text me then not text me
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
