jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
