there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
