My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
