i think my tv is drunk
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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