I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
