i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
