Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
