I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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