she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
