His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
