ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
