I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
