Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
