As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
