i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
