I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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