he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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