Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
