I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
