one two three fourrrrnication!
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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