i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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