its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize