I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
