ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
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