We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Come share oat with me in your robe
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
