I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
