Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
are you so shy because you have an std?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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