if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
is it fun? or sober?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
