I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
