You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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