so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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