Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize