just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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