Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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