She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
