If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
