I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
