im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
