Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
