if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
