I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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