therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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