I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
