Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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