ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
