Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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