Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
