I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
