I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Don't make out with my wife yet
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize