hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize