The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
