i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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