remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize