Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
