i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
There r osticjed everywhere
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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