I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
