Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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