I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize