Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
