I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
