the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
