foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Enjoy the penises
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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